You can't rush your healing

All too often, we want to rush a healing process, as though our will alone can get us there. It certainly helps to be passionate about our healing, but it truly can’t be rushed. Depending on the nature of the issue and the severity of the trauma, it can take a lifetime to reach a place where we are at peace with what we have experienced. This wouldn’t be a problem if we lived in a world that moved at a humane pace, but we live in one that moves at a pace anti-thetical to depthful and sustainable transformation. And so, we often end up stuck somewhere in between—longing to heal, but lacking the space (and the pace) that makes it possible.

If that is your experience, I offer the following words (and Trevor Hall’s music) to support your efforts to slow it down to a pace that can actually effect the kind of change you long for. Sure, we can move it along quickly and heal little bits of it, but we can also move it along nice and slow and invite the process to meaningfully transform our consciousness:

Let’s begin with a very special Trevor Hall’s song:

You can't rush your healing

From my newest book, Humanifestations: On Trauma, Truth, and Transformation:

The thing we often forget regarding our own changes and others’ changes is that real transformation takes real time. No matter how eager we are to see things shift and grow, it will seldom happen rapidly. This is particularly true with respect to emotional maturation. It is often a many-years-long journey to empty these crowded vessels. Developmental stages are like biological structures. To move from one stage of maturation to another, we have to go through a broad range of experiences, integrate their meaning, and try a new way of being on for size. It is about becoming a truly different being on many interconnected levels. I spent a lot of years in hurry-up offense with my own transformation and those around me. It was a waste of time. Sustainable change is built on a foundation of patience. Persistence and patience.

and

It’s not about “letting it go.” It’s about letting it in. It’s about letting it deep. It’s about letting it through. It’s about being true to your feelings. It’s about giving your experiences the attention they deserve. And that may take a moment, or it may take years. The trick is not to shame your need to cling to what is presently unresolved. “Let it go” is the mantra of the self-avoidant, feigning resolution because they lack the courage or the preparedness to face their feelings. Let’s not play that game. Let’s allow things in and through, until they are fully and truly ready to shift. Let’s allow them to grow into the transformation at their heart. We write our story by fully living it. Not by “letting it go” before its time.

and

You can’t reason with the nervous system. It has a mind of its own. But you can listen close when it tells you what it needs to self-regulate. Listen in, and honor its requests to the letter. That’s where the healing happens. In the listening.

and

Healing isn’t a short-term process. It’s a long-term practice. Because it’s not just about healing the wound itself. It’s also about retrieving what has been lost, integrating new parts, maturing in the places that the trauma obstructed. It’s about developing into the truest version of yourself possible, after years buried below the weight of adaptation and disguise. It’s about catching up with yourself, after years on the run. Healing is a life-long practice.

and

Our survival adaptations are so tough, but our wounds are so delicate. To heal, we have to lift the armor carefully—it saved our lives, after all. It’s like moving your best friend off to the side of the path. You don’t trample her, you don’t hit him with a sledgehammer. You honor her presence like a warm blanket that has kept you safe and sound during wintry times. And then, when the moment is right, you get inside and stitch your wounds with the thread of love, slowly and surely, not rushing to completion, nurturing as you weave, tender and true. The healing process has a heart of its own, moving at its own delicate pace. We are such wondrous weavers...

And, then, when the healing all comes together, you may well experience yourself like this... Trevor says (and sings) it best...

Bowl of Light

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FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF

In poet Susan Frybort’s words:

“This affirmation is a license. It is a written document granting authority to self-govern. To take up your complete system of energies and own them. To hold your autonomy as a prized possession. You know somewhere deep within, you were born with a right to freely articulate what you need to feel safe in the world, even if at first to yourself. Once you begin repeating it quietly, it becomes an assertion of your worth and expands into an empowering echo, reverberating its way to the outside. And you’ll discover those who love you will respond to this song with an equally resounding appreciation and tribute.” ❤️

From her luminous book, “Open Passages: Windows and Doors to the Soul”:

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TALKING EMPATHY AND VULNERABILITY WITH DR. JUDITH ORLOFF

Empathy is a fascinating topic, one that unites the question of healthy boundaries with a vulnerable way of being. On this week’s Enrealment Hour Podcast, I had a vibrant conversation with Judith Orloff—often referred to as the “Godmother of the Empath Movement”—where she helps us to understand what it means to move through life empathically and emphatically! No easy path, but one that can bear (and bare) brilliant fruits, so long as we find our way to healthy boundaries:

Enrealment Hour Podcast on Empathy

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LET US BE GREATER: A GENTLE, GUIDED PATH TO HEALING FOR ADOPTEES

I had the pleasure of reading (and endorsing) Michelle Madrid’s soon-to-be-released book. And I highly recommend it for anyone struggling with (or connected to someone struggling with) their adoptee history:

Let Us Be Greater

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RESTING HAS GONE OUT OF VOGUE. LET’S BRING IT BACK, SO THAT WE CAN RESTORE OURSELVES AND PREPARE FOR THE NEXT STAGE OF OUR INWAKENING...

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WRITING YOUR WAY HOME

For those interested in exploring writing as a healing and a spiritual practice, my next Writing Your Way home course begins at Soulshaping Institute on July 19th. I am slowly morphing my courses in the direction of a more personal and connective writing experience. Less group—more me and you. This will be particularly helpful for those who are interested in the ‘Writing Your Life Story’ series, which will begin this autumn. And for those who wish to then take their expression to the next level, and actually write a entire book about their life. I can’t shake the belief that everyone has a story to tell, and that in the heart of writing it is the healing and restoration that we need. It doesn’t matter if we write it for the purposes of publication, or simply for ourselves or our loved ones. Writing our Life Story is a wonderful way to honor our journey, and to make sense of our experiences. It's also a way to get caught up with ourselves, and ready ourselves for the next stage of our life journey. But, first…

Writing Your Way Home

With reverence, Jeff