The cultural obsession with forgiveness never ceases to amaze me. I grew up listening to it in my family of origin and religious community, and then I began to explore the spiritual world. There, I was overcome with artificial and premature forgiveness mantras. And I came to realize that these beliefs were fundamental to both the New (C)age Movement and the guru-centric patriarchal precepts that thread through most of what we have been calling ‘spirituality’ for centuries. At the heart of most of these dissociated philosophies is the need to deny the veracity of our lived experience, particularly as it relates to painful and traumatic experiences. That is, equanimity is real. Perpetual positivity is real. Unresolved pain is an illusion. Talk about a recipe for disaster throughout life—one where we have confused trauma avoidance with genuine healing, one where we have entrenched ourselves in a way of being that hovers dangerously above our authentic experience. That’s not to say that forgiveness isn’t a good thing when it is genuine, but it is to say that faux forgiveness is deadly dangerous, both with respect to its impact on our inner lives and our relationships with others. If it doesn’t congeal into a weapon that turns inward against the self, it certainly ends up living itself out in the world-at-large.
Below is an excerpt on forgiveness from the ‘New Cage Movement’ chapter in my book, Grounded Spirituality. Grounded Spirituality is primarily a dialogue between myself and an imagined seeker named Michael, on the streets of Toronto. Michael has reached a stage where his spiritual practices are no longer serving him, and we engage in a 12-chapter conversation that supports his efforts to stop spiritual bypassing and to regain his footing in all aspects of reality. And I also include a free download link of my first quotes book—Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground—for you. Ascending reflected my own consciousness at the time that I wrote it. When I read it now, I no longer relate to some of the ungrounded perspectives that I expressed. At the same time, I remember where I was at with a strange fondness. We meet ourselves where we are in every moment, and the person I meet now, is someone else. But he is grateful for how we arrived here. I imagine that you can relate. Outward and inward we go, shedding and integrating perspectives and forms, until we arrive home to ourselves. Peace with path.