Even the Healer Needs

+ In Trudeau's Kitchen has hit #1's in Canada

DEAR READER:

If there is one thing that I have learned over the last five years, it’s that there are very few things that I, and all of us, can control. Such a relief. Like a good little Virgo, I built my life by controlling my focus and organizing my reality. Every day, a new list and a new goal. It worked out well, until it became a hiding place from reality. I literally woke up one morning this winter and saw the tired old pattern for what it was: a recipe for disaster. I had grown so accustomed to focusing, that I forgot to live. And not only had I been trying to control my life. I was also trying to control my death. I had and still have 4 life insurance policies in my name (yes, 4!). And not just my death. I had the beneficiary’s life planned, too.

So, I am trying to find a way to balance my still energized calling to write (and teach) and this thing called spontaneity. Perhaps you have heard of it 😊. If so, feel free to share any wisdoms with me in the comment section below. I’m serious. How have you been able to balance your responsibilities and goals, with the open road, in all its liberating forms?

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EVEN THE HEALER NEEDS

Sometimes we are exactly what we need.

Eventually, the Helper will need Assistance. The Encourager will need Uplifting. The Comforter needs Reassurance —and even the Healer needs to be Healed.

Through our emotional needs, Life makes itself known, exposes our similarities and insists on the importance of connection within the warmth of empathetic presence.

Developing an awareness of what we need to be healthy, to take in love and to feel safe in the world, then cultivating clear and peaceful language to express each one vulnerably, is a process that can open the door to Harmony.

So, may you learn to listen and follow your heart’s insistent cries of longing back to the origin of your earliest pains and bring forward your needs to be heard, finally, with recognition, understanding, and acceptance.

And may you likewise know the content and deserving blessing of feeling met and tenderly received. ❤️ (-words written by Susan Frybort. From her uplifting poetry collection, Look to the Clearing.)

IN TRUDEAU’S KITCHEN IS ON FIRE! (Do not put the fire out!)

After more than 5 years without support, my journey and now the book ‘In Trudeau’s Kitchen’ are quickly reaching (and touching) the public. Yesterday, the paperback and audio download surged to #1 in a series of long-entrenched Amazon categories in Canada (Canadian History, Popular Culture etc.) And it hit #299 on Amazon overall in Canada. This is remarkable, since I am a one-person marketing crew, relying entirely on myself and the people (not the system) to raise awareness of this story. After all this time (and isolation), I am so grateful that they are walking beside me. Although the book is building energy in Canada, I can assure you that the content is just as relevant to people everywhere. Techno-terrorism and shadow bans are now intrinsic to the human experience. This is one of the reasons that I recently spent time in Washington, D.C. Quite apart from making investigative submissions to law enforcement about many of the US events documented in the book (and thereafter), I also made an effort to get books in the hands of US Senators and Congresspeople to see if they could help with the shadow ban et al. Now, that was a trip almost worthy of its own book! As a Canadian, I grew up believing that Canadians and Americans are remarkably similar. As it turns out, the opposite is true. Americans really don’t trust their government. Canadians do. I will be going back down there imminently with a similar intention.

Additionally, the audio download for Where is God in all of this? was published on Audible on February 10th. This as yet hidden gem is a book that I wrote (channeled?) in the summer of 2024, and edited with Susan later that year. It is the sweetest introduction to the Encodings Model that I am working on now. The beauty of this methodology is that it remains faithful to the core question of our lives: Why am I Here?, and continues to expand as your relationship to reality deepens.

Finally, my Writing Your Way Home: Answering the Soul's Call course is back in business after a little rest. Beginning May 6th, this 6-week on-line course supports your calling to write, and to work through anything that prevents you from honoring it. Guidance and inspiration for anyone ready to express their soul’s voice. And the course includes (optional) feedback from me, and can be listened to and downloaded on your terms, from anywhere in the world. Thousands of students have completed it, and many of them have continued to write for years thereafter. It opens the gate to expression, and it keeps it open!

PROTECTING YOUR PEACE (IN TRUDEAU’S KITCHEN)

As I go further into doing podcasts about ‘In Trudeau’s Kitchen’, one of the things that comes up is the question of why I wanted to disconnect from Sophie Trudeau. Much of it is covered in the book, but there is something I didn’t talk about enough. That is, my years-long efforts to create a safer and more harmonious home environment to create from. Perhaps you can relate. I had initially found my writing voice in Toronto, but the experience of writing (and growing in the public realm) was often obstructed by still ongoing family strife. At this point, most of that was related to one sibling in particular, someone I cared for and also feared deeply. My peace of mind was often influenced by his challenges (and the question of his whereabouts), and by his volatile relationship with my mother. So, I decided to make a move to the country outside of Toronto. I had worked for decades to reach a place where I could take my calling to write to the next level, and I wanted it bad.

It was a good decision for a number of years. Not that life was always smooth, but being in a writing cocoon in the country opened the gate to deeper expression. Simply put, I wrote like the wind for a period of time. And then I made the fateful decision to connect with Sophie Trudeau after she posted my work. From that point forward, I began to feel like I had stepped back into something strangely familiar and dysfunctional. It was subtle at first, but my experience in her kitchen- where I felt like I had walked right into someone else’s chaotic and unboundaried family system- took things to the next level. Perhaps my response to her sharings would have been different if she wasn’t in that intense political world, but the combination of a variety of things I didn’t like and the agitating knowledge that I now knew things that might put me in jeopardy, took me steps away from the seamless and flowing place I had loved before connecting. And, I really, really, wanted that creative space back. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that you’re not supposed to leave if you know things that the public is not supposed to know. You’re not going to get a “thank you for your service” on the way out the door.

I suspect that anybody who has grown up in a very volatile home environment can relate to the struggle to liberate yourself from it. Can you? Even though a big part of me had outgrown my origins before meeting her, it is clear that I wasn’t fully free yet. If I had been, I would have listened to my intuition (”Don’t do this!”) before I connected. At the very least, I would have asked my partner what she thought before offering my services and taken her words to heart. That’s not to say that I am responsible for the state of the family system I walked into, but I would have been more protective of what I- and we- had created.

Nonetheless, no citizen should ever be put in this kind of position in the political world. It is nothing but confusing, even if you find some parts of the dynamic- and the opportunity to be of service- exciting and gratifying. There is always this dangerous underbelly in the ethos, something remarkably different from a kind and peaceful way of being. Something even more toxic than the most toxic family system.

I suppose this is my long-winded way of saying that if you too have worked hard to liberate yourself from where you came from, remain vigilant with respect to protecting it. You certainly have a right to it, and we need your offerings desperately.

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NOT EVERYTHING WILL HEAL IN THIS LIFETIME (Redux)

I call it the “narcissism of progress.” It’s when you heal and evolve, and then project the assumption of growth onto others, as though they are you and see the world through your eyes. It’s not a malevolent tendency. It’s simply a misplaced (and often hopeful) assumption of transformation. You reach a place where you couldn’t act in such and such a way, and then assume that someone else is there, too. And sometimes, they are. And sometimes... they aren’t. As much as we long to see everyone grow and evolve, it’s important to remember that some people won’t do a stitch of work in that regard. They are comfortable (or uncomfortable) right where they are, or they will grow when they are ready, or they simply have a different idea of growth. It’s important to understand this, so that you live in relational reality, so that you don’t put your eggs in the wrong basket, and so that you experience the liberating benefits of meeting people right where they are. It takes a lot of energy to make assumptions about other people’s consciousness. Save it for your own journey. You will surely need it to get where you long to go.

And let’s face it—not everyone will heal in this lifetime. It’s important that we accept and understand this. The perpetual emphasis on acknowledging and healing trauma is a beautiful thing, but its not for everyone. Because some of us don’t have the capacity to heal. Some can’t even get out of bed, because of the weight of their pain and the complexity of their trauma. Too much has happened, and there is little possibility of transformation. This is very hard to accept in our toxic positivity culture, one where trauma is the new buzz word and where people forget that they are not walking in someone else’s shoes. Just because you were able to heal parts of your past, doesn’t mean everyone can heal parts of theirs. We have all lived in a trauma inducing culture. Some of us didn’t make it through in one piece. That’s a fact. And if we can just accept this, and honor and comfort them as they are without any effort to ‘heal’ them, we actually stand a chance of co-creating the kind of trauma-sensitive world that avoids this level of suffering altogether. Because trauma is perpetuated by insensitivity. Our tendency to turn a blind eye to the truth of people’s suffering, to shame them for not healing, to blame it on their karma and their choices, is precisely the dissociative consciousness that perpetuates the trauma cycle. You want to help, but you just make it worse. Better to accept people right where they are. Better to provide comfort to the fallen ones. That alone will heal the world.

I learned much of this with my beloved cousin Gloria. She had been hit by a streetcar on Ossington Avenue in Toronto and suffered brain damage. Thereafter, she spent much of her life riding the Bathurst Street bus, traveling from one doctor’s office to another. She wasn’t usually there to get medical support—she was there to feel loved. And they knew it. When she arrived, they would bring her into the office and listen to her latest medical complaint. There wasn’t much they could do medically, but they knew how to listen. And listen they did. It didn’t solve all of her problems, but it comforted her to know that she mattered.

She also taught me how to listen. When I would suggest a variety of therapies that I thought could help her, she would tell me to be quiet. When I told her that she needed to eat healthier food, she told me to drive her to McDonalds. When I asked her if we should process things that happened to her in childhood, she told me to take her to the movies. She knew what she needed.

I loved Gloria. She was the only relative who stood up for me when neighbourhood bullies came after me. She was the only one who listened with her heart when I shared my childhood challenges. She was the only one with the guts to call me out when I was talking nonsense. And whenever I did what she asked me to do, she always remembered to remind me that I was her “favourite relative.” It meant more to me to hear that from her, than from anyone else. The key to it all was accepting her as she was. That’s what she needed. That’s what I learned to give her. And, in so doing, she taught me something I needed to learn. She taught me how to accept myself.

There’s a lot to be said for letting go of the idea that everyone has to heal. And that includes us. Some things may heal, some things may linger as the remnants of a life truly lived. The trick is to not shame yourself, or others, for that which remains. We live in a trauma accumulated world. That’s a fact. Those of us who are able to work things through are not better than anyone else. We are just blessed. And one of the things we can do with those blessings is provide comfort to the fallen ones. Give them freely, give them often. Nothing will resurrect humanity quicker.

Treasure yourself,

Jeff (and Gloria, in spirit)

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