Depression is natural in an unnatural world

Dear Friend:

It is my view that depression is essentially a natural response to an unnatural world. We are not taught how to feel. To release. To flow. To de-accumulate trauma. To love ourselves and each other at our most difficult moments. What we are taught is how to dissociate. To repress. To armor. To shame ourselves and each other at our most difficult moments.

When I worked with Bioenergetics Cofounder Alexander Lowen, he talked about the great challenge of working with clients who were feeling depressed. From his perspective, depression was a consequence of an energetically (and hence emotionally) depressed body. Somewhere along the way, the person blocked off and numbed out some of their feelings in order to survive. As a result, there wasn’t enough energy to work with therapeutically. You need energy to clear the blocks. You need energy to build more energy. The conundrum of depression.

Thankfully, there are now a variety of more subtle therapeutic approaches in the somatic world. Bioenergetics is a brilliant model, but it does have a particular bias. Most of the exercises and practices are quite rigorous, and require a certain amount of energy to reap the benefits. Somatic Experiencing is a methodology that is very effective at meeting someone suffering from depression right where they are.

Sadly, many people do not have the resources or the energy required to engage any kind of therapist or therapeutic process. And they do not have the kind of social support they need to keep them afloat. Those who can relate to their experience are often themselves isolated, and those who can’t relate to their experience often keep their distance—perhaps afraid that getting close to someone with emotional health challenges will bring their own to the surface. Because I believe that most of western culture is built on dissociated scaffolding, it is little wonder that most of us can’t get close to anything that feels like pain. It threatens to unleash the kraken of unresolved feelings—and it simultaneously threatens the very foundation of the systems we call home.

If you are someone who is struggling with serious depression, I recognize that it may be difficult to say anything that will ease your suffering. Nonetheless, I want to try…

First, although you may feel alone, you aren’t. Both because I believe that each of us comes into life with a guiding presence (often referred to as the ‘inner daimon’) that is here to direct our path and ensure that we make it through in one piece—and because I know with great certainty that as unique as your feelings are, they are also felt by an enormity of others who are struggling with similar feelings. Our species has done a terrible job of acknowledging our shared challenges, and yet we are all walking the same traumatized tightrope. Your neighbors may not tell you, but you can be assured that most of them are struggling, too. Knowing that may not heal you, but perhaps it will help you to really understand that you are part of something bigger—the human struggle to find peace in our minds, bodies, and hearts. It doesn’t feel like it right now, but we are making steady progress. Please stay with us, as the story unfolds.

Second, your existence deeply matters. Yes, I know that these kinds of words don’t usually mean a damn thing when you feel like shit, but I want to repeat them anyway: Your existence really matters. I simply do not believe that Creation went to all the trouble to get you here, if you are not a remarkably relevant thread of this evolving human tapestry. Somewhere below the feelings you are currently struggling with is a whole network of encodings that are unique to you. A treasure chest of callings, gifts, and offerings that are, by their very nature, essential contributions to the cosmic weave. They may be difficult to discern at this moment in time, but they may also be meaningfully connected to what you are going through. Periods of depression—or ‘frozen feeling’—are often akin to something I call ‘truth-aches.’ That is, there is something inside that longs to be expressed, but it has not been the right time to express it. It may still not be the right time, but there is something alight and alive with feeling waiting in the wings to be released. And that really matters.