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I like to believe that I am a dignitarian by nature. That is, someone who works towards a world that honors the dignity of each and every person in it. It’s a noble intention, but as I am continuing to learn—what I imagine as honoring of the other, may well be quite the opposite.
Recently, I took an interest in understanding ADHD and its causes. I put up a post on Facebook where I shared some of my experiences and asked others to chime in: Is ADHD inherited, or is it caused by traumatic events? My bias was as it has been most of my life. That is, the belief that few of our so-called ‘psychological disorders’ were inherited. Most were forged in the fires of our traumatizing lived experience. And they can usually be healed and overcome through body-centered psychotherapies.
Having read an abundance of thoughtful and informed responses on the thread and having taken a closer look, I stand corrected. Certainly with respect to ADHD, and by extension—many other syndromes as well. That’s not to say that there is definitive scientific agreement with respect to ADHD, but there is more than enough evidence to support the argument that it is often, if not always, inherited.
I was particularly fascinated by this Facebook post from the brilliant Trauma Geek - Trauma and Neurodiversity Education on this important subject…
“Suppression of innate ADHD traits is evidence of trauma. Intensification of innate ADHD traits is evidence of nervous system healing.
If people think their ADHD is trauma symptoms, and if their goal is to remove unmoveable parts of their internal wiring, they wont recognize healing when it’s actually happening.
Dr. Mate seems to be one of the primary sources of the myth that ADHD is caused by trauma. Maté goes as far as to say that ADHD can be cured with trauma interventions, but experience proves otherwise.
The neurodiversity paradigm, which is a social theory that came out of disability studies, views the ADHD neurotype as genetic/heritable and not reversible or cureable.
The list of distress symptoms often mistaken for ADHD (hyperactivity, mood swings, etc) are indeed a result of overwhelm or unmet needs in early childhood, but healing trauma doesn’t change the underlying ADHD neurotype. If someone is able to reverse their ADHD with trauma treatment, the ADHD was a misdiagnosis.
Here’s why this is a really big deal: Healing trauma makes innate ADHD traits even more noticeable and the neurotypical world more difficult to navigate. And a lot of us get to this stage and think we aren’t healing when we are.
Most ADHDers cope with demands of society by disconnecting and masking. When we heal trauma, we become more connected to ourselves and we mask less, making the underlying hereditary ADHD wiring differences much more obvious.”
Not only did this quote help me to more deeply understand the question, but it tipped me into looking more closely at my own nurture>nature bias. Why have I chosen to believe that most everything challenging within us, is rooted in our trauma history? Some things are, but everything!? And how might this bias have prevented me from accepting myself and humanity, in all of our unique forms?
I reflected on this, and came to a series of conclusions. Perhaps you can relate?
First, I come by my bias honestly. It originated in childhood trauma. The belief that most everything challenging, or different, or painful, was caused by my environment allowed me to believe in a better life and to get out of my painful family home. The certainty that everything could be worked through and healed gave me great comfort (as opposed to the idea that challenges were permanent), as did the inspiring belief that life would improve if I simply changed my environment. Fortified by my interpretation of the writings of R.D. Laing , I figured that all I had to do was find the right healing modality for each issue and happiness would be mine! (If only it was that simple.)
Second, I recognized that I carry the bias that there is one (patriarchal) version of self-actualization that fits all. It is pure, and it is perfected, and it has no conditions, or disorders, or neurotic carry-forwards from early life. Someone may have some unique characteristics, but they are not the kind that require ongoing adaptation or support. Therefore, no genetic conditions allowed. I now understand that this “purity bypass” served a necessary purpose on my road to a better life. Because I had seen so much impurity, I needed to swing myself in the other direction. But like most spiritual bypasses, it was a survival mechanism masquerading as enlightened wisdom. My unresolved trauma was calling the shots. And it is a mechanism that has outworn its welcome. Not only because it prevents me from living an enrealed life (consciously integrating all aspects of reality) but because it prevents me from accepting (and dignifying) parts of myself and others, and because self-actualization (or whatever we choose to call it) is actually a meaningless term if it doesn’t include all of our aspects. If we are going to actualize ourselves, we need to bring all that we are—and all that this life is—to the table.
Third, that I have been embarrassingly neuro-typical in my ways of understanding reality. Not only because I refused to allow for inherited conditions, but because I was unable to recognize the brilliance that lives at the heart of neuro-diversity. By not embracing those who experience elements of reality differently, I have dishonored others and I have denied myself the opportunity to explore and embody a more sensitive, expansive, and imaginative way of being. And, to learn how to relate in ways that are more depthful and engaging than what has now become an often quite uninteresting neuro-typical interaction. I like what Susan Frybort says below:
“When those with similar experiences connect and group together, they form ways of meeting one another relationally—which doesn’t necessarily mean anyone outside their group has a relational deficit. In fact, because someone's response tends to be different, they may find themselves working harder to adapt to the environment and learn the emotional language of the larger group.
That places the majority of the emotional labor onto them and can be fatiguing. Instead of thinking there’s something negatively wrong with each other, we ought to know we’re all the better embracing diversity and the different ways our brains function.
Character traits, confidence styles, and ways of perceiving positivity or displaying empathy are not the same for everyone. Listening, processing, relating and validating can appear different than the social rules set by what tends to be a predominantly neurotypical group.”
So where does all of this leave me, as a self-proclaimed dignitarian? Getting out from under my neuro-typical notion of healthy functioning, and learning how to honor the complexity of the human experience. Eager to explore the Neurodivergent landscape and my place within it. Please join me on this journey. I am interested in your input.
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Speaking of human dignity and unresolved trauma, I wrote this piece some time ago…
Praises for the Trauma Speakers – Let them Whisper your Heart Back to Life
I can’t possibly know what the most traumatized among us have experienced, nor do I have some simple healing solution that will transform their suffering. We are only just beginning to understand the nature of trauma on this planet. We are only just beginning to understand that we are all trauma-survivors, to one degree or another. We are only just beginning to listen to the real story of our lives, after generations of denial, victim-bashing, ungrounded attempts to ‘rise above’ it.
But I do know that we need their voice, more than ever, to save this species. In the survivalist world that we come from, the most traumatized individuals were the most shamed and shunned. It was survival of the ‘fittest,’ authenticity and healing be damned. If you could punch your way through the pain and accumulate, you were deemed a success. It didn’t matter what your inner world or personal life looked like, so long as you championed the material world.
But that way of being is coming to an end. It is no longer serving us. Those in denial around their pain, those focused exclusively on mastery and material achievement, those who imagine themselves ‘self-determined’ (while negating all who have contributed to their ‘success’), are actually destroying our species and the planet that houses us. We can no longer live in a world that defines success in comparative terms. We can no longer inhabit a reality where our greatest success stories are those who fled their pain the fastest, hiding their unhealed brokenness behind an over-compensatory materialism.
I am not fooled by the egoic accumulators of the world. They are merely lost children, confusing their bottomless quest for worldly validation with healthy self-regard. They will never find peace, in this way. It is a soulless path.
It is time for a world that champions the survival of the truest. That stands down the accumulators and elevates the authenticators. A world where success is not measured by our ability to out-achieve our neighbor, but by our ability to remain heartfully connected to one another. A world that honors those who have the courage to feel and acknowledge their victimhood, to share their painful story, to invite all of us to self-reveal. A world that celebrates those who are brave enough to own their uniqueness in the face of judgment and ridicule. This is the only world that can last.
In this next-step world, those who have suffered the most will be our greatest teachers. It has been so artificial for so long, that we need the trauma-speakers to save us. Because they are the closest to the truth of all of our lives. Because they are the most connected to the feelings that we are all burying — the individual cries for relief, the ancestral unresolveds that thread through each generation. It may seem counter-intuitive in this conditioned world, but those who have the courage to own their pain, are actually the ones we need the most.
So next time you feel tempted to turn away from someone who wants to share their horribly painful story, stop. Just stop. Ask yourself why you are so eager to go—are they reminding you of something you don’t want to feel within yourself?
Then listen closely to them, and let them whisper your heart back to life.
~From the book, ‘Hearticulations: On Love, Friendship, and Healing)
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For anyone seeking transformational support over the coming weeks, here is a list of my ongoing download and interactive courses…
Immediate Download Courses
The Abandonment Wound Healing Course: https://jeffbrown.co/the-abandonment-wound-healing-course/
The Narcissistic Abuse Healing Course: https://jeffbrown.co/the-narcissistic-abuse-healing-course/
The Inner Child Rising Healing Course (Healing the effects of Unawakened Parents): https://jeffbrown.co/inner-child-rising-course/
The Finding and Living Your Sacred Purpose Course: https://jeffbrown.co/findingsacredpurpose/
The Sacred Feminine Rising Course (Healing the Effects of Unawakened Men): https://jeffbrown.co/sacred-feminine-rising-course/
Interactive Courses
Writing Your Way Home: Answering the Soul’s Call (begins December 5th, 2023): https://www.soulshapinginstitute.com/events/writing-your-way-home-answering-the-souls-call-10/
Susan Frybort’s Poetry Healing Course (begins January 9th, 2024): https://www.soulshapinginstitute.com/events/the-poetry-healing-course-writing-from-your-heart-and-soul-15/
Writing Your Way Home (begins February 6th, 2024): https://www.soulshapinginstitute.com/events/writing-your-way-home-answering-the-souls-call-11/
The Enrealment Method Course: Where Presence meets Purpose (begins March 27, 2024):
https://www.soulshapinginstitute.com/events/the-enrealment-method-where-presence-meets-purpose-3/
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Reminders of the glory that is you
You are the sign you have been waiting for. It’s not in the stars, nor is it at the heart of everything synchronistic. It’s not stamped on the forehead of your beloved, nor is it lingering on the tip of the guru’s tongue. It’s not in the numerology, or the astrology, or floating on the wings of your angel-guides. It’s already here. It’s you. That you exist at all, with all the odds that were stacked against your incarnation, is evidence of your significance. So are all the gifts, callings, and offerings that course through your veins. You are a signpost of miracle and wonder. It serves the shaming powers-that-be if you look for your signs outside of yourself… but you won’t find them there. You will find them in your own bones, right at the heart of your lived experience. After you clear the blinding clutter, you will realize that it was you all along. You are the sign that leads you home. ~Jeff Brown
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YOU WERE THE LIGHT ALL ALONG
You were the light all along. You needn’t wait anymore on the arrival of grand champions or spiritual giants when you are the final hero of your life story.
It was you who struggled with God and wrestled with demons in the face of everyday conflict. It was you who unsheathed a blade of determination to slash through the brush of daily fear. It was you who sank into the very depths of yourself, then trudged through the depths of pain to find the hidden parts silently praying for healing.
It is you, bright child. And it is the stuff born out of your darkest of days that brings pure light into this world.
~by Susan Frybort, from the book ‘Look to the Clearing: Poems to Encourage:
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And inspiring wishes from author/astrologist Rob Brezsny, from his ever-dignifying Free Will Astrology Newsletter …
WISHES FOR YOU
I wish you torrents of ecstatic empathy and gleeful sympathy. May the planet Neptune conspire with you to rouse these bounties.
I wish you fluidic, kaleidoscopic insights and “ah-ha!” epiphanies that lead to cathartic integrations. May the planet Mercury conspire with you to attract these exaltations.
I wish you the ripening of lucky trends you’ve worked hard to earn, resulting in miracle cures that incite your generosity and spur adoration to flow your way. May the planet Venus conspire with you to galvanize these favors.
I wish you rowdy rambling adventures that inspire you to weave together diverse threads of your destiny, empowering you to claim more of your fully synergized potency. May the planet Mars conspire with you to propel these blessings.
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Blessings to your path, Jeff
Thank you Jeff, for taking the time to reflect on your beliefs. I saw your Facebook post, and some of the aggressive replies you received just for asking folk with ADHD to give their perspective (what a world it is that we now can't even ask others for their lived experiences without being attacked and labelled 'ableist' 🙄), and I greatly respect you for reaching out to ask the question. I am ADHD and autistic, late diagnosed (in my forties), and despite having known for many years I was ADHD my journey of learning about trauma led me to Gabor Mate, who I somewhat worshiped (I stil think he is a very important voice in the world of trauma, but I see him as the falable human that we all are) and for a time I took on board his belief that neurodivergence (ND) was due trauma. I no longer believe that.
It is complicated, as there is a crossover between symptoms of ND and symptoms of C/PTSD, and life can be a lot harder (for many different reasons) for those who are ND making it it more likely that we develop C/PTSD...
There's a theory out there pertaining to how neurodivergent folk are perceived by neurotypicals (im not actually that fond of using those terms, but I haven't found a better shorthand yet) called the 'uncanny valley', and I would say it accurately explains how I have felt all my life - I never quite fit in, and end up being a scapegoat / blacksheep. That does also stem from my family dynamics and trauma history, but it does seem to be very common for ND folk to feel like outsiders, be bullied, and generally struggle to 'fit in'.
"It takes a village to raise a child."
This is an interesting topic, not so much the nature vs. nurture, but the acceptance of neurodiversity and how every deviation does not need a DSM name and category of mental illness. Yes, we do lose our identity and human dignity when we get pigeonholed as a "disorder." I would also add that the shift to behaviorist therapy viewing human behavior as a programming project is also dehumanizing and shame-inducing.
Like you, Jeff, I was fortunate to experience intuitive depth psychotherapy plumbing the depths of the subconscious rather than judgmentally sorting through options of "right" or "wrong" learned behaviors and coping skills. "If all you have is a hammer, everything becomes a nail." If everything is viewed as a trauma response, then everything becomes traumatic. Bombarded with threats, huddling in a bypass bomb shelter is not a very dignified way of life. When does the "cure" become worse than the "disease?"
What I appreciated about somatic psychotherapy was the roadmap of basic energetic character structures describing various pathways that human energy can be expressed. For instance, my rigid Northern European male bio-structure will likely channel an emotional charge upward to my busy brain and downward to my restless groin. This is not a "dysfunction", but simply the way I was built and socialized. Can I learn to be more proactive and less reactive to these tendencies? Yes, but it would take severe trauma to erase and reprogram my basic operating system.
Getting back to your "dignification" topic, in my psychology studies I became intrigued with the Terror Management Theory largely based on Ernest Becker's "Denial of Death" book. He suggests that humans developed the conscious ability to foresee our mortality and needed to devise a subconscious defense against despair. To do so, we "fell from grace" by creating an alternative world of images and symbols which can achieve immortality. Yes, the AI we are frantically developing is fueled by this imperative for immortality transcending our shameful, limited humanity.
Viewing our psychology and sociology from an evolutionary standpoint makes sense to me but I was specially intrigued with their concept of self esteem. Rather than an egotistical personal defense mechanism, it is seen as a survival skill linked to one's ranking within a group or society. Those esteemed by the "tribe" as having high group value are granted more group protection and energy supplies than those with lesser group skills. Intuiting our group ranking is existentially important for "naked apes" who need a collective to survive. Subconsciously and often anxiously, we constantly survey our in-group to assess our "ranking" and make decisions to enhance our survivability.
The first definition of dignity is being worthy of honor and respect. This is a group process of an individual being assessed by his/her society for group viability. There are all sorts of moving parts to this analysis variable to a variety of factors - age, race, gender, wealth, etc. That being said, it is probably impractical that everyone be held in a ranking of highest dignity. Our very survival depends on the ability to recognize and encourage those who have perceived skills needed for group survival. We will naturally honor and respect those with the traits matching the zeitgeist of the moment, which today are tech skills. It is not an accident that tech bros get billions while day care workers are on food stamps and "living in poorer quarters where ragged people go" in the words of Simon and Garfunkel.
Dignity and self esteem are dynamics constantly changing and reevaluated. As wealth inequity grows and technology is valued more than humanity, the goal posts are constantly being moved. As Buckminster Fuller exclaimed: "I sense I am a verb."